Poetic Tragedy!

2007-03-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

how long do i have to wait
feeling despised of late
how many times have you fall down
leaving me to pick you up
none
i miss the times when you call me on the regular
seeing you when i wasnt popular
i missthe long chats in the night
when breezes are such a fright
you'd give me sugar for my coffee
and id give you milk for free
you would mess up my hair for fun.
and fun for me is seeing you undone.

well all those are fabrications of my dreams.

am trying out new means of writing.
will work on it.

and yesterday night was a blast.

open up my eyes

2007-03-11T01:06:00.001+08:00

had a great sleep today after suuuuuuch a terribly long day. started at 8 till 6. which was all the way total soccer.

got back home, felt hungry and realised the boys were at beer garden. i immediately took my bicycle and raced down there.haha. when i reached there, all looked at me differently. they said i looked darker and my face was as if it was sunburnt.haha.dammmn.

well you'll get that for playing soccer at 12.ha

after the game had bruises everywhere and a minor sprain.haiyaa.suay la aku ni.

after sleep just now, my slept continued sleeping till now.

hmm.can i roll around for the night?

open up my eyes

2007-03-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

where are you

2007-03-10T00:53:00.000+08:00

i think my song is beginning to mark its words. some of the lyrics are turning to reality. one things for sure i keep asking myself where are you.

every night im wondering where is this girl then im suppose to meet.have we ever met. but all comes to none in terms of answers. disappointed i am.but demoralized maybe not.

i think ive set my mind of going overseas to work when i get the chance in the near future. but im afraid it will be difficult for me to leave behind family and friends for a long time. well sacrifices are to be made yea?

these thoughts are scraping back

2007-03-08T03:36:00.000+08:00

all of sudden im thinking of her again. once we were close. broke off contacted which still embazzle me till now. trying to figure out why. we had fun talking to each other.spending time together.working. miss those days. actually missher.

thoughts are sprawled all on the floor and cant get it cleaned up.

insecurity might be the reason why i didnt hang on.

what a waste

blind

2007-02-25T04:29:00.000+08:00

i just had the best week of my life. first was alfrey's birthday then mine. met this girl.her name's maria victoria.i just love everything bout her. especially her maturity level. marvellous.she lived in japan for a good 5 years and i think it thought her well. eventhough she's 26. i dont care.hope we will meet again maria.

the girl i dreamt of.her description suits her. right on. like a missing jigsaw

hearts to all my friends who wished me.loveyou all.

this time all i want is you

2007-02-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

as surreal as the dream was. when i woke up from it. it felt really real. but at the back of my mind i knew it wasnt. who's this girl i dreamt of. she felt so...comfortable. i know i did.and i knew she did. there was no romance in it but a lot of chemistry and comfortness we find in each other. the thing ive been desiring.

will i ever meet her?

or is it surreal.nothing but a dream.maybe ive met her before. only im to ignorant to notice.

only time will tell.

finally ive written a decent song and im finding means to post it up somewhere.just to let people hear.ive decided to challenge myself. to get 10 songs done with everything in it. not only just lyrics ang a riff but everything that will add depth to it.after which if my ambitions come true which is to go somewhere across the world or maybe not necessarily be so and get an album out of it. i shall be my own sound engineer and producer. i shall start a recording label. i know it is so far fetched. but when ambitions are concerned sky's the limit but i know people will know the higher you climb the harder you will fall and you have to be realistic in it. but i always believe the harder you fall the stronger you will be. the stronger you are the wiser you are.

where are you?

time goes by so slowly
since you're gone
time walks by so dearly
im up so early
where are you
where are you
time tides by so slowly
when im so lonely
time wont stop for me
no it won't
where are you
where are you
lost in this truth
caught in this hallucination
or am i
or am i
where are you
where are you
not opening my eyes
got lost in disguise
said you wouldn't go
said you take me away
but not that you've left
emtiness all that's left
when will this charade be over?
where are you
where are you
where are you
where are you
not opening my eyes
got lost in disguise
said you wouldn't go
said you take me away
where are you
where are you

the atmosphere was fantastic

2007-02-01T01:08:00.000+08:00

Went to the national stadium to watch the finals of the ASEAN CUP involving thailand and singapore. it was beautiful. the atmosphere was splendid. all of us were one irregardless of race and religion.

heart pounding fast in anticipation when singapore was attacking and jumping with delight when the ball was in the back of the net of the thai's goal. despair was in the air when singapore conceded.

it was such a beautiful and eventful evening.

GOT A NEW GUITAR...feeweet. but after buying it im dead broke until kingdom comes.shit

airport

2007-01-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

once i reached home, there i stood right in front of my house gate. when i pressed the button to open the gate, it just stabbed me. the voidness already came in. before this i was okay. but once i reached home then i felt the voidness that she has left. didnt know how i was going to feel before today. was wondering what i would feel. and i didnt know that THIS is what im gonna feel. empty.

i didnt feel this before.but somehow i feel it now and to think that im not really bothered by whats going on between us now but maybe after today i might. theres a huge possibility.

"she's luckly to have all of you"

if he told me that instead of alfrey i wouldve hugged him. it was so warm the way he made us look.

but in truth she deserves more. she deserves to be having fun while being here in spore.

will it be a long two weeks? i wonder.

nobody leads at all

2007-01-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

rain has been the only obstacle from letting me doing my daily routines. fuck.

been raining relentlessly these few days and kinda creates that emotional feeling.yeah.cant help it. im pretty sure rain makes you feel like that as well.DONT DENY IT.haha.

well surely you will feel like it if you listen to dashboard confessional songs. man oh man.. sigh.haha.

things been going on well. mom's birthday coming soon and so is my birthday.woo..
hahaha.this february. on the 14th will be jenny's birthday. 17th will by my brother's birthday. on the 23rd will be alfrey's birthday and last but not least on the 25th!!! WILL BE MINE.rah.. it feels damn fast. one year has just passed me by. but at least i think ive been a good child and done something that benefits me which is going to SAE..hurhur. it almost felt like yesterday when i celebrated my birthday at fort canning where i was being ambushed by my buddies.haha.really. its as if the bruises are still fresh on my skin. hmm. maybe i just got a very good memory thats all.hahaha.

finally im seeing somebody. heh.

hahaha. but never have i imagined myself seeing a girl such as her. first and foremost she's not local and her english is kinda atrocious.hahaha. but really ah. but she's an awfully nice girl that what's important most. was really glad my blood could accept her because if they couldnt im pretty sure the society will condemn her. sigh. thats called discrimination. yes. it still exists in this modern world. sad right but we cant do anything about it. well there's one thing that enlightened me and it was what tino said to me. a person is a person irregardless of the person's profession. if only everyone had the same mentality as him.

but im never gonna run away from the truth. where she works and where she's from. cause a person is a person irregardless of their backgrounds.

silence killed me?

2007-01-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

hey, its been uber long since i last posted here.well all thanks to my laptop.its gone now.but i have a wonderful desktop now!!wee.heh.ahhhh.been really tiring these few days.not been having enough of sleep and my mind's kinda fucked up right now.shall i say confused.ohwells not really in the greatest of moods to post long today.

my latest piece.not really complete.taking my time thats all

"What you mean to me"

this silence is always pinning
but you always seemed to let me free
anuish of the way you seem to have you're way.
tarnished by all of my friends
but i carried on nonetheless

take a deep breath
this song's meant for you and i
wait, the air is dead
wind isn't right
why am i in this charade?

always seems that you've been gone
it doesn't matter if im wrong.
when will we ever lay together
looking up high
touching the sky
where are you
i need you
what you mean to me
you're never here

hope dangles on a string

2006-12-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

i still cant believe im not going to zoukout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive been wanting to go man but patrick just had to set our listening exam on monday.wee.thumbs up.your ass.

howells.no use complaining.farrrk.

ahhhh.worked at starbucks for the charity thingy on thursday.it felt wonderful.after so loong not working there anymore.the feeling was like foooh. eventhough i was the busser boy.hahah.it was still fun. tino and i was ordered to attract customers and oh boy did we ever.hahaha.wish i could do it again.haha.with all the great company.faisal kamal sheena and the list goes on.

ahhhh.im so freaking shagged after soccer today.AND I AM AT HOME ON A SATURDAY NIGHT AND TO MAKE THINGS WORST NO ONE'S AT HOME.YAY.:

thats all for today.taa

2006-11-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Living in your letters

I'm always assuming the worst,

but you're going on nonetheless

and there's nothing to cushion your heart led fall.

Letters from further away

keep pulling me close to home.

And there's something to cushion my callous sighs.

And I know that you hope for

longer good-byes

embracing for forever

and falling in your eyes.

(In your eyes, your eyes)

Pouring over photographs.

I'm living in your letters.

Breathe deeply from this envelope

it smells like you and I can't be

without that scent. It's filling me

with all you mean to me.

(To me)

Continually failing these trials

but you stand by me nonetheless

and you won't let me sink

though I'm beggin you, I'm begging you

Phone calls from further away

and messages on my machine,

but I don't ever tell you this distance

seems terrible.

There is no need to test my heart,

with useless space.

These roads go on forever,

there will always be a place, for you.. in my heart

So I'll hit the pavement

it's gotta be better than waiting

and pushing you far away

cause I'm scared.

So I'll take my chances

and head on my way up there.

'Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten.

i really feel it everytime when i listen to this song.it really has beautiful lyrics.

living in your letters

2006-11-25T13:33:00.000+08:00

been listening and watching dashboard confessional live performances.ahhh..maan.i envy ender.how the hell does he write that kind of songs.

bah.

anyhoo..the song ive written previously is still being rewritten.need more substance.

sometimes i wonder where will fate take me.or is fate too late to take me anywhere.sometimes i wonder whatever is happening right now,is it all because of fate or just pure coincidence.come on fate.show me something before its too late.

i want to tell you something.something that ive always been afraid.hope you'd listen one day.cause the emotions ive been bottling up in this tiny red bottle is begging to be opened.i believe in fate and i know you do.if thats the case then all i need to do is wait.

my heart is small there's only room for one.i cant let you leave me for my heart wont be whole.

dance with me

2006-11-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

ahh..long time never blog. but dont be mistaken.my lappie is still down..yeah like forever right..fucking hell.

shit.test in two weeks time.buuut i feel confident about it.yeahh(:

everythings been fine with me and things.being down is just part of it.but i was just down thats all.but now im up! recently finished a song and this is it.

the song's entitled long awaited.

its breaking to pieces
the night is wasted
i wouldnt want to see those tears
i got the shivers when i come out to meet her
seeing that smile of hers
this feeling is not a lie because
its blind to her mistakes
i stand here and find that her smile
scares the shadows away
dance with me only this once to chase the stars at the lake

i look to you from this stairway
and i see a coldstream of
light that should only be
springing for the heavens.
why does it seem that every road
likes to wind up fast on me
she's all i want she's everything
she's all that i never had.

emptiness

2006-11-05T01:49:00.000+08:00

you know why im empty?

cause my beloved laptop just died on me...ahhhhhhh.everything's in there.. everything! my assignment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

can i ever be any lower then how im feeling now.can i get any emptier?

you're calling too late

2006-11-03T18:34:00.000+08:00

best deceptions.oh what a wonderful song that is.always makes me want to cry when hearing that song.

"dont you see dont you seee that the charade is over.And all the best deceptions and the clever cover stories awards go to you! So kiss me hard cause this will be the last time that i let you"

wonderful lyrics.if only i was like him.

ahh.been a slow day today due to overwhelming workload.stayed overnight at school last night and gonna stay again tonight.wish me luck.

slowslowslow.kinda cranky now cause im stuck here all alone.bah.need to go to hafiz's house for mok's birthday buuuuut no one wants to go with me.cheers.ive got no where to go with anyone.need to go hmv buuut no one wants to tag along.cheers.

how wonderful aye?

haha.i need foood.

this house always seems so empty.i need to go out and catch some fresh air.but it seems emptier out there.emptier then its suppose to be.so where do i go now?schoool i guess.thats where i feel less empty.workworkwork.

everyone seems to have their own things to do or rather have someone else to do stuff with.you know like having meals,movies,shopping etc.

I want thaat tooooo.kamal's busy with work.hafiz's away.the rest don't needless to say.to think of it,ive been doing all thaat alone for quite some time now.hmm.haha.doesnt feel thaat bad.not until today that is.been havin lunch,dinner,supper ,shopping and whatever not all by myself.but other than that everythings been perfectly fine.how things are going,buuut not my social circle.i use to be sooo gooood at this.friends in general have never been a problem.i use to have abundant of them.dont get me wrong.abundant doesnt mean useless.but now.looking around.there seems noone around me no more.and i dont really like that.azleen been missing together with nas.god knows what they're doing now.the tp people i dont blame them.it wont be a problem tho if i have a close friend right now.someone whom usually have time to spend with me.so it would preferably a female(: i dont know.i just enjoy my time abit more with girls then guys.but it never is a dull moment having a dayout with the guys.but girls?thats a bonus.haha.yeah back to the topic.unlike kamal whose a close friend of mine,he's been really busy with workworkwork.not that i blame him but likee not fair!hahaha.i dont know what to say for that la.hhaa.

you know what my conclusion is i need to eat.haha.

have yet to eat anything till now.

can someone just come up to me and give me a good hug?i seriously neeed one.

al genina

2006-10-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

hello.this is an overdued entry and an overdued rest..

ahh.feels so nice to just relax at home and do nothing.weee.school's been eating up alot of my sleep.aggn alongnaljghsg .i dont know when will i ever finish my assignment.haha.seems like forever seyy.

raya's beeen greaat.though we didnt really visit alot of houses so far.buuuut im rich!weee.hahaha.bought myself a sweater which ive been aiming at vying for at rusty since last year!weeeeeeee.how lucky can i get.firstly it was still there and for a bonus they were having a sale!hahahahhaha.gerek.then bought myself cardigan and tshirt at topman.weee.my first ever cardigan.haha.wonder if i look good in it.haha.to me it does.hahahahah.

buuuuut im not done shopping yet!haha.i still want to buy more long sleeves tshirts shoes sandals slippers blah blah blah.

OH YA AND PERFUME LA.haha.just now tested this chanel perfume.waaa.soniceeeeeee.

been on a dvd renting frenzy of late.i rented a documentary on muhammad ali and a movie on him too acted by will smith.but in truth i was disappointed by the movie after watching the documentary first and also reading his book earlier on.they missed out alot of his life.for instance on how he started out boxing.his match which one him the olympic gold medal.his journey to islam.his battle with parkinsons.to me these are the keypoints of his life.let alone his boxing career.cause this were the key of making him a stronger wiser better person.yet they missed out on that one.howells.im pretty satisfied with it tho..sooooo anyhooo.hahahahah.

rented silent hill.spooky show but erky ending.haha.got me scratching my head rather then holding my balls at my throat.

rented flight 93 and dirty war.both on terrorism.flight 93 is based on a true story but i choose to dismiss it.haha.due to certain reason.but dirty war was good as it was not bias unlike flight 93.it was about these group of radicalist planning to bomb london with a radioactive bomb.man thats scary.cause a normal person can never tell if its radioactive unless they have that machine thingy.hahaha.

and finally godsend.yet to watch it but the sypnosis is pretty enticing.haha.

BUTTERFLY EFFECT 2 IS sich a booboo.

ok thats all have fun you guys!

EH I WANT TO WATCH MOVIE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

al genina

2006-10-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

ok.this is an overdued post and an overdued rest for me.

ahh.feels so great to just relax at home lying on my bed.

but its work work work again tomorrow.patrick says we gonna get ear fatigue this week.haha.never heard of that before but im going to find out what it feels like.hahaha.assignments still hanging around.rah.wonder if i ever gonna get it over and done with.

rayaa's been greaaaaaatt although did little visiting so far.buuut.im rich already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha.i finally bought this sweater that ive been vying for since last year at rusty and what luck did i have.firstly it was still there and they were having a saleee.weeeee.then i bought cardigans and t shirt at topman.buuut im not done yet!!i still want to buy more long sleeves t shirt and shoeeeeeeeee.i neeed new pair of shoeeess..and sandals or slippers.

OH YA AND PERFUME LAA.

shopshopshop.just now i tested this perfume by chanel.oh wow.its so niceee.haha.nak beli nak beli!

hurhur.anyhoo.hafiz finally left for brunei already.gosh do i miss him.but glads his doing ok there.kental ah lu.ahhahaha.but id be sad too if i had to leave here for 10 months!god.haha.no wonder he shed a tear.i understand.(:

I WANT TO WATCH MOVIE.GODDAMMIT.HAHA.

been on a dvd frenzy of late and muhammad ali fanatic.haha.rented a documentary on muhammad ali and his movie played by will smith.but in truth after watching the doc first,the movie was such a disappointment cause they missed out alot of keypoints on his life.they didnt emphasize on how he started his career.how he won the olympic gold medal and the journey to finding islam.and his battle with parkinsons.to me these are the keypoints of his life.this made him famous.other then the rumble in the jungle etc.but howells im satisfied enough tho.

i also rented flight 93 and dirty war.flight 93 is on the 911.the plane which crashed in pennsylvennia how the hell you spell it.and dirty war is about this group of radicalist bombing london with radioactive bombs.it was interesting

rented silent hill.was nice.but a bit cocked up ending.

rented god send.have yet to watch it but the snypnosis seemed enticing!

wee.till then have fun!

headspin

2006-10-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

erghh.please go away you stupid flu fever whatever not.but whatever it is you're not going to dampen my spirits for the upcoming hari raya!

yay yay yay!nak rayaa!!

haha.the past few days has sort of terrible for me.body aching,feverish,flu blah blah blah.goddamnit.hahaha.

BUUUT I STILL CANT WAIT FOR HARI RAYA!

school's been really asking alot from me.overnight sessions,endless write up(logbook)

BUUUT I STILL CANT WAIT FOR HARI RAYA!!

hahahahahha

ok aku gila.

ahhh. i want to write up some sufi stories but lazy ahh..

i read a few stories on an autobiography of muhammad ali entitled soul of a butterfly.that book was brilliant.really recommend all of you to read it.he(muhammad ali ) really put on details on the meaning of life with support of sufi teachings which is a teaching by islamic people(orang orang yang warak i think thats what my mom told me).he wrote on his journey of his life and how we started boxing, how he found islam or as he wrote how islam found him.hahah.

it is really nicee..reaaaaaaaaaaad

YAAY YAY NAK RAYA!

ender will save us all

2006-10-17T00:26:00.000+08:00

ENDER WILL SAVE US ALL

It's just like you to contest
you wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
with your charm & in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is is you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped in you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you.

The harder I push
the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
Try not to be wrong.

currently song of the moment for me

hellooo

2006-10-10T04:17:00.000+08:00

bulan puasaaa...besttttttt

hurhur.i neeeeeed to set aside more time forrr mix down assignmentttttttt arghhh

test on wednesdayy....arghhhh

aku test.
shitshitshitshit

howhowhowhow.

my latest number

lake of misery

learn to fall first

then you learn to fly

cause im not there and im not here

sit in the car

feeling the breeze

messing my hair

going nowhere

the closer i get

the further you go these days

in the lake of misery

ive been drowning

in the lake of misery

i've been drowning

in the lake of misery

can you feel me,girl

emptiness in me

you cant feel or see

climb up the wall

hope you dont fall

run away from me

the closer i get

the further you go these days

in the lake of misery

i've been drowning

in the lake of misery

i've been drowning

in the lake of misery

can you feel me,girl

sit in the car

feeling the breeze

messing my hair

going nowhere

escaping you

letting me free

yearning for her thats so absurd

the closer i get

the further you go these days

in the lake of misery

i've been drowning

in the lake of misery

i've been drowning

in the lake of misery

can you feel me,girl

tomorrow is a past

2006-09-26T03:29:00.000+08:00

fasting month has begun and things seems like a rerun.spent my evenings so far at geylang helping my mom out at the stall.i know aku ni anak baik.hehe.mestilah.sapa berkenan?hurhur.

well this time round the bazaar is like huuuge and people seems to be sparse due to the huge surface area.hmm.haha.just now i walked around kampong melayu(the place where my mom's stall used to be at last year fyi)and seemed quite sunyi(quiet).it was a painful thing to see when it is still vivid in my mind of last year's fasting month.walked around and saw quite a number of familiar vendors.came across the iranian guy.hhaha.lawa lawa lawa lawa cantiik.man.those were really the days.the cd shop which always plays melodic music which seems to put me into a trance.gosh.niice.the shop we are now at dont seem as fun and meriah but heck we gonna change that yeah.hahah.macam paham je aku ni

that place brought back lots of memories.really.me and lela blah blah blah.wee.

howells.

I PASSED MY SIGNAL FLOW TEST.yeah baby.wooweeet.hurhur.CAN BOOK STUDIO LIAO

slacked with apek and wan today and we talked about cars and the life that we want when we are old.one interesting topic was about revamping my room.rah.got lotsa of ideas.if those thoughts were to be put on paper my room gonna look slick man..woooo.haha.then we talked about having a small dinner next week.heh.apek's gonna be the chef.haha.hopefully tak berak berak ahh.hahaha.gonna invite a few people and gonna celebrate.haha.err.celebrate apa ehhh?

tomorrow is a past for now.
going up is the same as going down
the hills used to be oh so green
now its all turned to brown.
breaking of dawn is not as beautiful.
people i see are oh so pitiful.

ahhh.need inspiraaatiooonn laa deii.

the longest two days of my life

2006-09-21T05:11:00.000+08:00

fooooh.the longest and most tiring two days of my life.but it was all worth it.helped my friend to work at hilton hotel for some imf dinner shit.was supposed to help out carry stuff like sound equipment and shit but in the end we were carrying tables.

maann.if those tables were made of plastic nevermind.CONCRETE LA SIA.WAHPIANG.requires five people to carry a single table.and there was 9 of them.fucking hell.

but company was good so it was fun.(:

and GET MONEY ALSO.hehe.

now my body aching already.later got test somemore mati la aku

shocking news of steve irwin

2006-09-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

he just died.gosh.what a news man.it was reported he was poisoned by a sting ray whilst swimming in the great barrier reef.

the world has just lost such a great conservationist.god bless him.rest in peace.

braah.my ankle is still not fully recovered.fark.
AND i miss the electronics fair yesterday.kannina.my friend got an external 80 gb hard disc for 100 bucks only.WAHLAO

ya i know.wahlao.and he also got a sony headphone for only 27bucks. shit shit shit shit.gotta wait till march for the next convention.maaann.

fasting month is coming soon.hmm.dunno whether it is a good thing or not but i think it is cause i can slim down then!!wooo.haha..i know know..vainn or too self-concious.well what the heck its for my own good right.ive not been dating for waaayy to long.ergh.shit.

hmm.to think of it yea.ive not gone out on a dateee for a veerrrryyyyy looong time ah..dammit.this cannot be happening.haha.

bla bla black sheep

baah

2006-08-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

my room was vibrating when the demolition of the condo nearby was underworks.picture a mild earthquake.it was scary i tell you.

imagine the vibrations caused by bombings in israel etc.BRR..

anyways got myself a new toy...!!wee

CREATIVE ZEN VISION:M

rahh..

finally someting to update

2006-08-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

this is by far the worst ankle injury ive encounterd.

landed on my left ankle which got twisted and there was a loud crack sound.immediately i lay flat on the floor.

sweat drips profusely down my face.

my ankle then felt so numb.

really.it was torrid the feeling.took me 5 mins to go up a single flight of stairs.

so it seems like ill be stuck at home for the entire weeekend..GREAAAAAAAAAT.

woowee.soo fun..hurr.

ahhh

a day of misery

2006-08-09T05:05:00.001+08:00

tonight was a day where everyone were feeling depressed.

kamal was stressed up.

faliq depression.

me,

mixed emotions.

it seems like a wreckage.but i know everything's gonna be fine.

somehow i feel lonely.but im liking it cause i got all the space i want.all the time i need to myself.

i just realise being dependant on someone is certainly not a good habit,in fact is a burden to yourself.cause you'll be dragged down eventually at the end of the day.

im happy im no longer dependant on anyone(other than my dad.hah.)
cause i wanna go through everything now by myself cause i believe ill be a better person this way after going through all on your own.maybe with consultation of friends sometimes and parents too.

but its way way better for me. i can see that i'll benefit from it.ive been too dependant on someone long enough.

i wanna teach myself what's right and what's wrong and what's is good for me,vice versa.
the two hands that's gonna clap will be mine.im gonna be responsible for all my doings.

lost in transition.blah

a day of misery

2006-08-09T05:05:00.000+08:00

everlong

2006-08-07T18:04:00.000+08:00

hello blogger.

alot of things happened for the past two weeks

some that were normal but there were alot which were very surprising.such as me cutting my hair!!haha.its short man.but i like it.yea.haha.

was something i did on impulse but not regretting it.(:
hot la long hair.cannot take it.

school's been fine.lots of assignment tho.but easy ah.gonna do a recording/mix down assignment in two months time!!weee.any bands interested?haha.well im glad that school has been really fun.cept when wilson is teaching.he's an asshole.haha.

have alot of stuff to write down here but some shall remain undisclosed cause its kinda personal.haha.got alot of spies la reading my blog.so cannot.hahaha.im on a new song!yay.finally.but got no lyrics to fill it in.no inspiration yet.so its gonna take awhile.

wonder should i get an mp3

supermassive blackhole

2006-07-31T21:43:00.000+08:00

school's been perfectly fine.loving it at the moment.

yeah!got four free tickets to watch click tomorrow.weeee.

shit.just now my fingers were itching to post entry now mcm da malas gitu.anyhows.

sometimes i look back why was i such a fuck to be caught up in a situation.i had the liberty to choose all theime.why did i became such a doofus to put my self in a mess.what you never had you never lost.whats not worth having is not worth missing.ive always been telling me that.not that i force myself to but its true.WHATS NOT WORTH HAVING IS NOT WORTH MISSING.crying can never change anything.and fuck all the tears ive shed for you.how i wish those tears were acid so it'll burn you when you touch it.how i wish my fingers were thorns so you'd get pricked when you held my hand.its all so contradicting and ironic now.but all so clear and sensible.

now there's no more hellos and not even goodbyes.how fucked up can that be huh?i guess im not worth saying bye to.when last time there were more then hellos and no goodbyes.only seeyoulater.there were hugs not repelling of energy.there were alot of kissing not spites.

sometimes i wonder if suddenly she had amnesia or something.cause its as if i dont exist anymore.i should've listen to her bestie.she was right all the way.but i chose to be stubborn.there.see.i CHOSE.kannina fuck.why did i chose to choose whatever i chose.

well past is history.and so are we.wait.i just typed that so it would ryhme.haha.past is history so is she.ahh.make sense.haha.no hatred created just an abudance of hatred.goodbye girl.you lost in this

my ass is hairy

2006-07-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

FINALLY STARTED SCHOOL.

yay

first day was dull cause everyone was so damn fucking quiet.well i still find them quiet tho but at least some of them are talking now.haha.and there's this fucking weirdo in my class.goddamn.wanna know more please approach me.haha.cause if type it down hear firstly dangerous and seconldy tiring.ahahahah.

school's been really fun.well i've never been enthusiastic about school.err.well i did before.but not because of what im learning on but because of the girls.haha.well this time its what im studying.yeah.gerek.protools and stuff.nice nice nice.

so far made a few friends here and there.and i just realised that im the youngest there.goddammit.hahaha.

today went to catch a movie.with yas.haha.mangkok ah she.we went to watch lakehouse.FANTASTIC MOVIE.i rate it as good as butterfly effect(which is my favourite movie).this is the first time i really liked a love movie but thats because its no typical love story.its very complexed.go and catch it!no regrets bebeh.

should i cut my hair?pimples growing in the forehead.oh god forbid.

took 31 from tamp int.was hoping u'd get on the bus on the next stop like we always use too after work.but all i saw was an auntie hopping in.my heart sank.

doors closed shut

2006-07-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

maybe?

you dont seem to talk anymore.

maybe you are selfish but i choose to dismiss that.

watched nacho libre!!haha.jack black always the brains behind stupid movies.
was supposed to join azleen yas and nas see pirates blah blah cause az and nas got two complimentary tickets.but to my ass delight they were sold out.asswipe.

so me and yas decided to watch another show.NACHO LIBRE.haha.tak regret tgk.sallie tagged along.oh by the way sallie is a malay girl.nama nak step slang je.padahal melayu.haha.
so it was a nice movie after a long time coming.I WANT TO WATCH PIRATES BLAH BLAH LAHH.who want to join????????

my treat.nehh.changed my mind.

wonder how is she now.got a new job maybe?ahhfarkk.the heck with it.why bother about other people when i myself i dont really bother about much.hmm.lets stick a finger in my ass.

NOW FART.ahhhhh.

ahh lame.hoogbad go;abnofbga f

hoog.haha.hmm.

i wanna write a new song.BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTT.my amp is with jihad.oi.aku nak balik laa amp aku.tolong eh.aku potong kepala kau buat sop bontot baru tau.

ehh.kepala laa bukan bontot.

NEED MY AMP NEED MY AMP NEED MY AMP.LELA TELL JIHAD CAN.URGENT.I NEED TO PEE.

currently chatting with why eh ass am and.GOD knows what the heck does she mean by that.all i can understand is ass.ass is pantat.pantat is buttocks.PUZZLE ALMOST DONEEHOOOHAAAA.hmm feel like piercing my nipples.haha.

school starting next week.weee.monday monday monday no more bluess

gonna missyou

2006-07-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

it turns out the person who wanted to adopted the kittens wanted only one of em and i had to declined their proposal cause i did not want them to be separated from each other.so eventually i was stuck with them two

early in the morning dad was mad at me for bringing in the kittens.he gave me an ultimatum of giving them away by saturday or he will throw them all out.i was disgusted by his reaction.

so i was really mindfucked having thoughts of them being with me for the night.i will never forgive myself for the next thing i decided to do.i told kamal well since we can't keep em,we leave them outside the temple depan rumah kita ah.

i tugged myself out of the house.i didnt know what got me to do such evil sinful thing.everything felt numb in my head.it was all leave them outside and everything would be fine.all the way when i reach the temple i came back to my senses.i told kamal to do it cause i can't.immediately i shed a tear.as i left i saw them dazed in the dark and i cried.i felt like slapping myself.i went back in and still couldnt stop crying.i went back out.i was across the road and i saw naya,she was lost.she saw me and wanted to run towards me but was halted by a passing car.i cried even harder.she recognizes me.why am i such a fuck.i came back up and kamal told me he too had no heart to leave them outside.he called his dad and thankfully his dad let him bring in the kittens.my heart lit up.i cant show kamal how much i appreciated his deed.for if we would have eventually just leave the cats there i'll never get over it.so now the cats are with kamal.someone i trust.i know he will take good care of my adopted babies.

one thing i learned from this then self indulgence and selfishness can actually make you do things you would never imagine such as what i did.ill never ever forgive myself for that horrid and rash act.

im already missing their timid meows and scratchy paws snuggling into every corner of my body.the slipping of their paws when they walk and how they snuggle ontop of each other qhwn they sleep.jara,naya i'll always missyou.and hopefully ill still get to see you.for such small kittens,you carry alot of weight around especially the responsibilty that holds to take care of you.loveyou both

a lack of colour

2006-07-07T02:49:00.000+08:00

caught a movie finally.watched superman returns.i always loved superman movies.

ive missed her latety.busy with work.her i mean.im just rotting at home till school starts.really cant wait for it to start.2 weeks!wee.

when can i see you again?

the world's best most informative update

2006-07-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS MONDAY

see-saw

2006-07-02T02:01:00.000+08:00

yup.thats how my fever is like.one moment its down,the next thing you know it shoots up again.

very irritating.cause i might be outside when the fever happens to turn up again and just spoil my day.

it has succesfully gone up and down 3 times today.currently now its up.ahh fuck.headache.feel soo weak when havin fever.can you massage my back please?
im just tired right now.cant wait for school to start.its like 3 weeks more.wee.
i need panadol.arghh

baa baa black sheep

2006-06-30T16:25:00.000+08:00

have you any wool?

down with a fever.sadly its not world cup fever.hiez.

she don't see me as the guy she used to last time.
she neglects me more often.
she thinks im all fun.

well i guess i was a big fool to think you'd always cherish me.i know i do.

stephen chow movies

2006-06-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

are fun!

haha.really.

spent the entire afternoon watching a couple of his movies.

god of gamblers 2 and flirting scholar.haha.

haha.

hmm.other than that its been a very dull afternoon.waking up with nothin to do.so i just stared up the ceiling and stoned.haiz.im not too sure if dinner is still on with lela.but i wouldnt mind if its cancelled because i think she's not in her best of moods and im feeling kinda lazy.

gorilla is on fire.nyeh

saya suka singkong!

2006-06-20T00:59:00.000+08:00

stumbled upon an old song when i was at lela's home that day.one song which i used to like.

Deep Purple-Soldier of Fortune

I have often told you stories
About the way
I lived the life of a drifter
Waiting for the day
When I'd take your hand
And sing you songs
Then maybe you would say
Come lay with me love me
And I would surely stay
But I feel I'm growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the soundOf a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune
Many times I've been a traveller
I looked for something new
In days of old
When nights were cold
I wandered without you
But those days I thougt my eyes
Had seen you standing near
Though blindness is confusing
It shows that you're not here
Now I feel I'm growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune
Yes, I can hear the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune

love the lyrics.so meaningful and nice.yet so simple

you and me and us

2006-06-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

toys r us.
long time never go there.

haha

spend my whole day with lela today!hurhur.

was invited to go to her uncle's wedding.appointed to be the usher.wattafuck,me?me usher eh?i dont have clue who is who and where is where.i dont even know the bride and groom.haha.howell.i think i did my job well.haha.

had a nice evening.thank you lela for inviting me.eventhough i feel REALLY lost just now.haha.i bet you could see it on my face.haha.but thanks really.

i'll be

warmth of your touch.
you got me all wrong.
im never selfish.
im always strong.
delusioning now hesitating now.
cant breathe now hold me now
take my throat and ive got to be honest
ive been living in your shadows.
now so far.
i've gorged myself with your aura.
you got wits you got looks you got passion you got everything!
ill be true.ill be used ill be longed.ill be urs dear
ill be sweet.ill be bored.if im here and you are there

ive updated the other tau lalang.(:

like finally

2006-06-14T21:44:00.000+08:00

ole ole ole.

finally lappie has come to life again after dying for 3 weeks.it was hell i tell you.
living without my beloved lappie was like living with only one balls.

hmm.

beeen sick lately.the feeling i get when i swallow is like swallowing glass.pain.

basically ive beeen lazying around as usual.

cant wait for school to start and resume my social life again.

wee

my booty

2006-06-02T01:30:00.000+08:00

shit. my laptop crash. dang.

i missyou lela.

i missyou internet.

i missyou everyone

twisted mind

2006-05-25T15:42:00.000+08:00

i am really tired.tired of all this.waiting.guessing.

feel like giving up.

i guess ive been a fool for thinking that you'd always need me.

a fool i am.

a big fool.

%&*$^

2006-05-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

called and heard her weeping.my imagination ran wild.

couldnt get my mind of it.everything i drank and ate tasted blunt.worried as hell.her gf said she'd do fine but i was stubborn.hope you're okay.the thought of you weeping stabbed my heart.

i still do care bout you girl.take care

if you feel like youre alone
well no, you're not alone
if you're on your own
in this life
and the days and nights are long
if you think had too much
of this life well hang on
everybody hurts
take comfort in your friends

take interest take notice

2006-05-23T02:30:00.000+08:00

ahh.

just came back from a short jog.haha.really SHORT jog.about 15 minutes i say.went with lela.haha.she la pester me to follow.but it felt great after jogging.good thing i jogged tho cause i prolly wont be able to sleep.yela.mane tak.sleep for 12 hours today.hahahaha.

woke up.feeling lost.realising oh ya.i am lost.haha.

delusion.

maybe baby.ahhh.don't know what to type already.

warmth of your touch.
you got me all wrong.
im never selfish.
im always strong.
delusioning now hesitating now.
take my throat and ive got to be honest
ive been waiting for you all my life.
so long now.
i fear ill go crazy if u leave by myside.
you got wits you got looks you got passion

just something very random here.

ill be true.ill be used ill be longed.ill be urs dear

you're not the boss of me

2006-05-22T03:25:00.000+08:00

watched mega perdana just.woot.

nice.

keris was absolutely terrific.in short.they were different

VERY different.

cant wait for the finals.yippee!

finally met up with lela just now.she look different now.

hurhur.now she doesnt wear a rag on her head nimore.it grew into a table cloth!

heh.

but it looks good on her laa especially with her "rokok gulong" earings and "tangkal" on her neck

after mp i went back straight cause i was really shagged.slept at 7 and woke up at 12!woo.haha.
mcm babi siak.

tomorrow will be going to sae to submit the form!yea.haha.cant wait to start school.rah!

it feels nice to see her.gosh.was i really nervous.sorry i had to go off so soon.seeyou again.
it made my day really.thanks

i want you to know this

2006-05-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

she's running out again!she's running out.she run run run ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn!
whatever makes you happy.whatever you want.you're so very special.i wish i was special.

things have changed.some i understand but some i dont.

ive heard a lot of stories about you.im not ashamed but actually i got to know more about you.
things that i've been oblivion about.overshadowed by you.the person i thought i knew.

you're so very special.i wish I was special...

scarlett johannson

2006-05-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

she's hot.yupyup.scarlett johannson.she looks a bit like jessica alba yea.hahha.watched the island yesterday night.terrific show man.

playing soccer in awhile at st.wilfred.

yesterday had a meet up session with fad,roz and mar.mar was the one who planned all this but it the end she didnt come.hah.ass.her boyfriend was in a bike accident.fair enough.hurhur.

so kamal azleen and belo tagged along.we met up at parkway starbucks and just talked practically about everything.from politics to relationships.wan then later came along.

we shared lotsa laughs.was fun.haha.then we played pool for awhile and came back home.

ergh.i need to go send the form to sae soon!

who wanna follow?heh

my eyesight is getting worse.shitass.

toodles

school of audio engineering

2006-05-16T03:16:00.000+08:00

ahh.finally.finally ive settled my school issue.its been bothering me till now.now its gone.wee.
cause my dad has agreed me to send me there.woo.

im actually excited for this.reason being im going to school of audio engineering doing diploma in audio engineering.its a very interesting course.something ive been interested since young.

i believe i can do well in this.

*fingers crossed*

well my day went quite well today.met up with hannan ali and yazid near hannan's place and ate briyani!woo.hannan's dad has the most delicious briyani i tell you.should try!haha.

then kamal came along and we went to watch mi3!which nurul came to join us in the middle of the movie.it was a nice show.different from the previous sequels.

howell.then went to sae to pick up my application which i found out i have it at home.hahaha.asscrack pussywet dimwit cockgagger.hahha.then we played pool.after like ages of not touching a cuestick.i did pretty well i think.haha.the place was fucking expensive tho.10 bucks per hour.yea.haha.then we went sheesha.AGAIN.ergh.all nurul's nagging and whining of wanting to go there.so being us gentleman.haha.we "full-heartedly" agreed to go.huahuahua.wan tagged along and we had a crazy time there.haha.

came back home and here i am.eyes half closed but rebelling not to sleep.weargh!

-=-

Muse

time is running out

I think I'm drowning

asphyxiating

I wanna break the spell

that you've created you're something beautiful

a contradiction

I wanna play the game

I want the friction

you will be

the death of me

yeah, you will be

the death of me

bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

our time is running out

and our time is running out

you can't push it underground

we can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom

but I'm restricted

I tried to give you up

but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped

sense of elation

you'll never dream of breaking this fixation

you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it

I won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

our time is running out

and our time is running out

you can't push it underground

we can't stop it screaming outh

ow did it come to this you will suck the life out of me

bury itI won't let you bury it

I won't let you smother it

I won't let you murder it

our time is running out

and our time is running out

you can't push it underground

we can't stop it screaming out

how did it come to this

rapid hope loss

2006-05-14T05:18:00.000+08:00

yup.im still awake.

its 530 im awake.

woowee.

haha.

watched hotel rwanda just now.

was a really good movie.

now im trying to sleep.

-=-

Collective soul

"Run"

Are these times contagious

I've never been this bored before

Is this the prize I've waited for

Now as the hours passing

There's nothing left here to mature

I long to find a messenger

Have I got a long way to run [x2]

Yeah, I run [x2]

Is there a cure among us

From this processed sanity

I weaken with each voice that sings

In this world of purchase

I'm going to buy back memories

To awaken some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run [x2]

Yeah, I run [x2]

Have I got a long way to run [x2]

Yeah, I run [x4]

[background:]Have I got a long way to run [x4]

dream

2006-05-14T02:42:00.000+08:00

yesterday night i had i dream.i was with my friends opposite tp walking near kfc there.i decided to buy a can of coke at the hawker centre there when these two girls appeared beside me.

they were laughing and having fun.i didnt bother to look at em but suddenly this girl rested her head on my shoulder.haha.i turned and she just smiled.it was like as if she was flirting with me that kinda thing.not that she rested on my shoulder and sticked there.haha.

i turned to her friend and she was my old friend.shikin.haha.she said sorry to me but i just smiled and said its okay.so i asked her whats her name she told me widya.not bad eh.we ended up talking with each other with shikin.alas i got her number.

here comes the funny part.the next day she called and said she wanted to meet me.and the next thing i know was she appeared in front of my house in a six door limousine.hahahahaha.cool shit huh.she turns out to be a daughter of a reach dad.woo.hahaha.after that i woke up.dang

it felt so real though.so real that i asked myself whose widya.she was pretty.and we had that chemistry.haha.

one of those days when i actually remembered my entire dream.i miss lela.sigh

this is not goodbye

2006-05-12T12:50:00.000+08:00

why do you have to run.

ive been chasing u ever since.

ill never stop chasing hoping that u'll one day get tired of running.

how do you seem to be able to adjust with the situation now.

im having a torrid time without you here.

but there you are having the best days of your life.

its unfair you know.

maybe because you have alot of friends to spend your time with.

well not me.

-=-

Plus 44

no it isn't

Please understand This isn't just goodbye

This is I cant stand you

This is where the road crashed into the ocean

It rises all around me

And now we're barely breathing

A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore

[chorus]

Curse my enemies forever

Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful

This desperation leaves me overjoyed

With fading lights that leads us past the lives that we destroy

I listen to you cryI cry for less attention

But both my hands are tied

And I'm pushed into the deep end

I listen to you talk but talk is cheap

And my mouth is filled with blood

From trying not to speak

So search for an excuse

And someone to believe you

In foreign dressing rooms

I'm empty with the need to

[chorus]

Curse my enemies forever

Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful

This desperation is leaving me overjoyed

With fading lights that leads us past the lives that we destroy

Please understand This isn't just goodbye

This is I cant stand you

dim lights

2006-05-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

i missyou lela

supersize me!

2006-05-10T02:33:00.000+08:00

loving everybody hurts by dashboard currently.

such a nice songs.

like ed says it gives the rainy feeling.

the song is what been putting me to sleep.

hiez.

she thinks im pretentious.

im not.

i dont have pick up lines.

i dont have pity lines.

i have none.

its all from my heart.

the night is yours alone.

i missyou lela.

i really do.

will you ever come back?

will you?

i wish i was strong as him.

i have so many wishes.

seems like my story is like a rerun huh girl?

i hate it.

let your legs follow the beat to the person.

my heart beats for you.

does yours?

if i am

2006-05-10T00:33:00.000+08:00

"If I Am"

So your standing on a ledge,

It looks like you might fall.

So far down,

Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.

Now you could have it all,

If you learned a little patience!

For though I cannot fly,

I'm not content to crawl!...

So give me a little credit,

Have in me a little faith!

I want to be with you forever,

If tommorow's not too late!...

But it's always too late when you've got nothing So you say!...

But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,

Before the sun rises today...

IF I AM!

Another waste of everything you dreamed of,

I will let you down...

IF I AM!

Only here to watch as you suffer,

I will let you down...

So your walking on the edge,

And you wait your turn to fall.

But you're so far gone,

That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you.

And you could find the fault,

In the heart that you've been handed!

For though you cannot fly,

You're not content to crawl!...

But it's always too late when you've got nothing So you say!...

But you should never let the sun set on tommorow,

Before the sun rises today...

IF I AM!

Another waste of everything you dreamed of,

I will let you down...

IF I AM!

Only here to watch as you suffer,

I will let you down...

So you're standing on a ledge,

It looks like you might fall...

IF I AM!

Another waste of everything you dreamed of,

I will let you down...

IF I AM!

Only here to watch as you suffer,

I will let you down...

The answers we find,

Are never what we had in mind.

So we make it up as we go along...

You don't talk of dreams

I won't mention tommorow.

And we won't make those promises that we can't keep...

I will never leave you!

I will never let you down!

I will never leave you!

I will never let you down

2006-05-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

Everbody Hurts - Dashboard Confessional(cover)

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,

when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.

Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.

when your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)

if you feel like letting go, (hold on)

when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.

Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.

If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,

when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,

everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.

And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)

(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

its summer you will be mine

2006-05-08T03:12:00.000+08:00

loving dashboard confessional.

went to mos on kamal's birthday.well its not really my cup of tea to club and dance.ha

cause i cant dance!

hahahaha.

tellyou mos was very fucking packed that when iwent to dance floor i couldnt air my armpits.

ahhaha.

but the highlight of the night was when i saw her.her big smile.rag on her head walking towards me.

managed to "dancee" with her for awhile then she had to go off.

hiez.

i really miss spending time with her sey.

lelaa.what happen to those days.

im not going away.

im gonna stay put here.

im still gonna be that kaikel u always call me.

im still gonna be that guy whom people mistake to be your boyfriend.

haha.

but bear in my mind no expectations.

but still u dont seem to be comfortable with me.

why?

tell me you can still be comfortable with me.

it kills to seeyou not smiling when im around.

it kills to know the girl whom i always look up to is not feeling comfortable with me

it kills to see that girl feeling constipated because of me.

what have i got to do to take that all away.

ill do anything lela.

anything.

u stood at your door with your hands on my waist and you kissed me like you meant it.i knew that you meant it

just another name

2006-05-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

red and teary eyes.thats how my eyes were like when i left.im not expecting anything at all from you but it just hurts to se how things changed.im no longer your precious.

got a new top.from giordano.thats it.

haha.hehe.huhu.hoho

2006-05-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

got to meet lela just now!after like eons.hahhaa.luckily i still remember how she looks like.

HA.

yea that long.

hehe.actually no lah no that long.

but its still long tho.

felt long to me.

as long as a train?

hmm.maybe not.

maybe as long as my hair.

talking about my hair.its seems like it cant grow anymore!!

fbsghefgbflwgb aghlfe vhflihefg

haha.yea that was a piece of my mind.

lela told me i should comb it with those brush comb thingy.

NOW WHY didnt i think of that.padahal ayah da bilang tau.

dengeng eh kau ni.

aisey bedah da start bebual sorang2 kau ni.haha.

went to sae just now with lela.haha.

the lady attending to ask had lotsa stuff to say to me that i had

a difficult time trying to digest it.

in the end when she asked

"so anything to ask?"

poof.

"err.not at the moment"

hahaha.

afterwhich we went to my mums stall!

haha.

really happy to hear her shop doing really well.yup yup.

was actually intending to see hisyam tapi kedai tutup.

then nak go eat at the western food shop near there.

but close.

asscrack dimwit.

then we made our way to tamp cause lela meeting her friend to go to goodness know who's chalet.haha

so i met azhari for the first time!

haha.

he looks downright chinese sia.haha

not what ive imagined him to look like.

cause azhari sounds so melayu.like pure malay.

haha.

so we walked around tamp to look for someone's birthday.

then we parted.

inside the bus it was so dim that i could barely open my eyes.haha.

oh ya.

my room smells of green tea now!haha.

cause i bought greentea air freshener and my mom gave me greentea fragrant body scrub.so more greentea smell.haha.

its strange how it smells so nice but taste like asscrack on fire.

well until then.cheerios

loveyou kontot

dont leave high!

2006-05-02T02:56:00.000+08:00

currently listening to radiohead high and dry.lovely song dont you think so.

seems like im getting things moving again.thank god.i was like half dead at home for like 2 weeks without knowing what to do.its about time i do something about my education.yea.

today was family day.=)

for lunch we went to straits kitchen at hyatt hotel!woowee..brilliant food i tell you they got there.they have all the local food there.from muslim food to indian food.yummy.so my tummy got really filled.so filled that i didnt have dinner.haha.imagine yea.hahah.then after which i came back and met apek for coffee.we talked and talked then faliq and nurul came along.i was like woahh.where did they came from.haha.was pretty awkward tho cause after avoiding him for ages and suddenly he appears.haha.so i went back home at about nine and realised my brother his gf and my mom going to mustaffa!haha.of all places.i opted to follow since i got nothin to do.haha.i felt like dubai when i reached there.cause it was freaking filled by indians!haha.fyi.ive never been to mustaffa.haha.well had fun.bought cds and tons of chocolates!hahaha.pimples welcome back!

ive arranged a day out with lela tomorrow.like yea.after a long time.hurhur.intending to go to sae then job hunting.not pretty sure about job hunting tho cause i dont know what line im looking for.haha.anyways the idea of going out with lela just takes my breath away.haha.yea.its really nice to meet her you know.

im sleepy now.gonna go to bed.till then.goodnight

manifest

2006-04-28T21:16:00.001+08:00

stupid charger.cost me 129 bucks just to get a new charger.reason being the head of the charger broke off.farrkk.

have been trying to fill up my time these past few days.and i think im doing quite well.haha.two days ago me apek and kamal went to changi to disturb bapok.hahah.but actually they are really nice people who are like us trying to find money to eat.but it was a cool experience though.then the following day we went around looking at creepy houses and honestly it really creeped me out.hair was standing.then afterwards we went to airport just to walk around and we pretended to be participants of the amazing race.hilarious i tell you.

but always even i did my best to fill up the hours of my day,there's always the few seconds when i just happened to think of you.you never fail to appear in my thoughts.when im daydreaming,eating,or whatever.

it saddens me to feel that our energy are repelling.these thoughts are like a manifest.eating me up day by day.where are you.come back here

manifest

2006-04-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

i know i suck at it

2006-04-15T02:35:00.000+08:00

i can see every part of my life just crumbling down before me.i hate it.i hate it especially when im helpless to it.the silence is killing me.the virus is infecting my blood and at the end of the day i will break down.

i need you here. i need you to help me go through this rough patch.but you seemed so distant recently even if your just beside me.

dropped out of school.what a waste.but im taking private diploma.so yea.alls not lost yea.but still.its not an easy thing to just drop out of school and not being screamed infidelities at you.its drepressing at times to hear the things people say about you.sometimes worst still to you.im lonely here in this avenue of darkness.all alone and freezing.

you've always been my sun to brighten up my days.my moon to shine me out of darkness.my star to show how grateful i am to you.my heart to pump my heart so that i can live everyday hearing to you laugh talk whine and everything about you.i miss your laughter.the laughter that always brings a smile to me.

but now since you've been distant,im crumbling.like a cookie being crushed.crushed by my own mistake.a mistake i dread.

been

2006-04-13T13:30:00.000+08:00

been crying out your name lately.
been trying to figure out what went wrong
cause i know clearly things are different now.i dont want them to be different.i want the way it was previously when we were very happy.
been an ass to you i know.but im trying my best to learn from such mistakes.im sorry for what ive said to you and stuff.now i finally understand everything and i know i can accustom myself to that.
days have been dark eversince things changed.the nights feel long,and the days seems lonely.you are as close as me to my nose but yet you felt so far.i tried to reach you but i was scared.i tried to call out your name and ask if everything was alright but i was terrified.everytime i wanna ask you such things or do such thing my lips went numb.i know everything happens for a reason and i wanna know whats the reason for this.if i did went wrong somewhere i wanna know what was it.

its been a long while

2006-04-11T00:04:00.000+08:00

so close yet so far away.

hey.its been shitty months since ive last updated.days have been usual go out have lunch dinner and then go back.but its been fun especially if u hang out with good company!dont you think so?

yea.its eons since i last touched my laptop.screw shit.windows crash and had to reformat everything.EVERYTHING is gone.EVERYthing.like fuck.well.im now on a journey to find a school to study cause ive been kicked out of poly.asscrack.howells.i really have to search for a school soon before its too late.
my rooms in a mess now cause all my stuff all over.hmm.

sahara

2006-02-21T00:28:00.000+08:00

i dont know why but suddenly i got this urge to go travel and see the sahara.eversince i went to see the desert in dubai,i've fell in love with the beauty of desert.never in my life that i will picture myself being in a desert and i never expect the sands there to be sooo damn smooth.like milk you know.that smooth.its just so nice just to bask under the setting sun and enjoy nature.the natural landscape of earth.untouched.

sometimes i feel its such a shame most countries are expanding so vast and never spare a thought of the natural landscape that will be ploughed away.how i wish everthing of earth had remained untouched but we still to get to live the way we are now.

howells.im not god am i?

haha.

MY BIRTHDAY'S COMING!!yay.

and she tells me she got a lot of stuff lined up for me.such a sweet girl she.=)

mom asked me what i wanted for my birthday.i said nothin.damn!haha.wrong answer dude.i want a watch.heh.its been a long time since i got a watch of real value.all ive been getting for my birthdays were perfumes.haha.yeah.3 straight years.perfumes.but yea.i love perfumes.hee..

cant wait for my birthday!yay.i know its gonna be lotsa of fun cause ill be spending my time with her.wee.

ive realised that ive been spending a whole lot of time with her lately and at times it made me wonder.how things will be if one point of time i have to carry on life without her irregardless of why.will i be able to carry on?will i be able to look forward and not backward?

hope i will.dont wanna stumble and fall and not havin anyone to pick me up.NO!heh.howells.only time will tell and i hope time will take its own sweet time and let me enjoy the time i still have.

goobaahgoobeegooobuuu

choose rain over water

2006-02-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

drowning

i'm totally immersed in this ocean
my legs are numb from every movement
i can feel the world spinning around
as i sit down listening to you breathing
all this while i've been wanting to stay
in this ocean im drowning in
but you took my hand and lift me up

but i dont know
for should i stay
just give me a sign
or make me blind
but i dont know
if what u did was right
cause ive been drowning
in misery

your touch is smooth like the sands of sahara
i pulled you in this ocean
an ocean for us to let our problems go away
watch the moon set
listen to me sing for you this song

but i dont know
for should i stay
just give me a sign
or make me blind
but i dont know
if what u did was right
cause ive been drowning
in misery.

there my latest piece.dont really know what it is actually talking about.hahah.howells.im tired

so long

2006-02-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

its been so long since i last updated.Its because i havent been getting the right mood to type out stuff that has revolved around me.

and due to my mouth i have to write out a 4 page essay.damn.

k.so far life has been ok.pleasant but not fun.i've not been too happy what i have done so far.the thing is have yet to do anything and that bothers me.im heading nowhere with no guidance to stepping stones.i dont know where im heading cause im stagnant.like the still waters in the ponds

i have been falling sick lately and i have no frickkin idea why.had throat infection lately and it hurts so bad.really.had an injection on my ass.haha.scary.

didnt celebrate valentines this year.just like all the time.haha.

dont really get the idea of valentines.so yea.spent time with rusydi bob and apek instead and had loads of fun.first met up with apek at riaz and he took leave.haha.mean of me.haha.den bob and di came by to join us from school.we went in to a pet shop beside the riaz and they have the most fucking cutest cats in the whole world.there were these ragmuffins.omg!they are fucking cute sia.really.cost 900 bucks for a kitten!get me one will u guys.for my birthday.hurhur.can la.haha.

then afterwhich we proceeded to katong to play bowling.msged lela and asked her to join but she said she wanted to sleepp.boooo.
laughed my ass off while playing bowling.scored 110!woooeee..hahah.
i know la im not too pro in this forte.hehehe.but howells.after two rounds we proceeded to my place.sat down for awhile.bob took forty winks and then met razi and sara(oink)haha.
walked all the way to mas ayu..lela msged she say she joining us at 7 or 8 cause meeting mystery x.wonder why must say mystery x.howells.damn fuckking hell.hot like cum la sia.aha.stopped by at starbucks to enjoy the aircon.saw raihanah!woooeee.haha.she applying job there!yay.then can see her everyday.heh.hahaha.shh.

after an hour we made our way to mas ayu.was expecting the bhoys to come down but fucking shit they ditched us last minute.that got me really pissed guys.but im over it.it was supposed to be a big outing for us u know.and u guys happily went to town and left us alone.fucking shit.but nevermind.we carried on.had dinner there but it was delayed cause wanted to wait for her but she was late.very disappointed in you dear.talked lotsa crap with them.cried my balls off due to too much laughter.

and after an hour plus from the initial meeting time,she finally came down!and mystery x was subhan.okeh.hello mystery x.u got a new name i presume.how nice.haha.mystery x.u went out with him but not me!booo.i didnt want to make plans with you cause u told me you didnt want to go out cause u cancelled out with other people cause its valentines.

sat for awhile and we left.boo.

im happy with the people i have now.my family.my friends.

my friends have been there for me when i need em eventho they do disappoint me sometimes but they are only humans.so yea.i understand.

there's rusydi bob apek hannan kamal ali abu rahman faliq hafiz yazid hamzah whom i really enjoy thier company.always fun to hang out with them.they are my true friends.

then there's lela whom have taken care of me when i needed one.she's been my pillar of strength and i cherish that.she's been the sweetest person to me by far.a loongg shot.hands down.but i dont know how to show my appreciation in return.im stumped.

well i think this is long enough.hhaah.goodnight.until then

2006-02-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

heyy.im back.haha.

yeap.

from dubai.

was a great trip.shiok ahh.

wanna know more come to me ahh.

lazy wanna talk about it here.haha.so much to tell.

haha.

spent alot down there.wee.bought lots of stuff.hee.

haii.

have not been able to get sleep the past twodays.

skin dry ah.

damn.

irritating seyy.

hurhur.

now got headache.damn

howells.

dunno what else to say ah.

oh ya.i guess i deserved it.

you know what im talking about

2006-01-26T05:00:00.000+08:00

holla!

im in the toilet shitting and get to update my blog.

haa.

ahh.

its heavenly in here.

the feeling i mean.

not the smell

eheheh.

going off to dubai within 24 hours.

damn.

i'm so reluctant to go off.

cause i'll miss all my friends.

yea i know u guys will say its only 6 days.

but the time spent in poly so far have taught me the value of friendship.

i was actually touched by my friends who opted to send me off.

thats very flattering to know of guys.

especially knowing that tomor got school.

haha.

maybe they are just finding excuses to not go for school the next day.

haha.

2006-01-25T00:55:00.000+08:00

Jaded

Take away the pain of yesterday.
Feels like im losing my breathe.
You’ll always get me blown away.
I’ll keep my eyes shut.
For tonight.

I’m lost in this transition.
Watch the sun goes down.
I’m suffering from this suffocation.
When you’re not around.

I’ll run away with you.
But I’m jaded , jaded
I’ll run away with you.
But I’m jaded .
Because of you.

So kiss me when I’m high.
I’ve got you and you’ve me.
Don’t mean it when u say goodbye.I want you till the end.

2006-01-22T17:08:00.000+08:00

fallen in love with olp again.man.thier songs remind me of my time in 2004.missed those days.

oh heck.why remininsce the past when we still got a whole lot to do for the future.yea?

had a wierd dream yesterday night.haha.didnt make sense at all.but i realised most of my dreams are always short dreams.haha.u noe like dos 20 seconds downloadble porn.yea.that kind of thing.my dreams were like that.and had a whole junk of short dreams which arent link to one another by any kind of means.so usually when i wake up.i will go like.huh?

haha.

so that could be the reason why i'm always blur recently.or am i always.damned.

hurhur.

had a meeting yesterday night!wee.

was supposed to meet up with the gang yesterday to go to the jam and hop at tp.

but i was told this year will not be as happeninng as last year so i opted not to go.sorry guys.

so instead i wisely decided to meet up with lela and apek to discuss about project green.uh huh.

faliq and julia tagged along and it was good they were there cause they managed to gave a few opinions on our ideas.

it was quite productive but slow.

haha.

lela la.blur blur.

dang.

gonna do up on the menu.

actually she's gonna do that.hee.

im gonna tambah2 only.haha.

-=-

our lady peace

somewhere out there

Last time I talked to you,

you were lonely and out of place.

You were looking down on me,

lost out in space.

Laid underneath the stars,

strung out and feeling brave.

Watch the red orange glow,

watch them float away.

Down here in the atmosphere,

garbage and city lights,

you gotta save your tired soul,

you gotta save our lives.

Turn on the radio,

to find you on satellite,

I'm waiting for the sky to fall,

I'm waiting for a sign.

All we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,

the star that I can't see.

I know you're out there,

somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,

defying gravity,

I know you're out there,

somewhere out there.

Hope you remember me,

when you're homesick and need a change.

I miss your purple hair,

I miss the way you taste.

I know you'll come back someday,

on a bed of nails I wait.

I'm praying that you don't burn out,

or fade away.

All we are is all so far

You're falling back to me,

the star that I can't see.

I know you're out there,

somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,

defying gravity,

I know you're out there,

somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,

the star that I can't see.

I know you're out there,

oh.You're falling out of reach,

defying gravity....

I know you're out there

,somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,

the star that I can't see.

I know you're out there,

somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,

defying gravity,

I know you're out there,

somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me.

Well I know,

I know.

You're falling out of reach.

I know...

2006-01-18T19:16:00.000+08:00

hey.its been a long time since i last post.been busy lately with god knows what.haha.
so the moment i come home id be too lazy to post.well hey hey hey im here.

gonna be real busy this few weeks with personal commitments going on.
oh yea and damn.tomor i got interview with the school's principle and some external people.wearghh.damn.never liked interviews.its gonna be an hour long.ergh.

had a haircut but it didnt look any different.haha.strange.

oh yea.im going dubai during chinese new year.yay.but damn ill miss the alumni's trip to pengerang.arghh..shit.

well.nvm.
haha.
hmm.thats all i guess.
cheerios

2006-01-10T15:12:00.000+08:00

have you ever been in a situation where you want to say something to a person real bad.

you feel you have to.

die die must say.

and after saying it.

you kinda regret.

and also afraid.

afraid of what her response would be like.

you're afraid she might think otherwise.

sometimes it makes you thinking what she is thinking after getting to know of it.

will she react the way you imagined she would.

well i have.

and it is killing me.

wearghh!

hurhur.

wish i didnt say anything.

now things lie in the balance of those words.

-=-

today is hari raya haji.

im comfortably at home.

well its because i've got no grandparents to visit and furthermore my parents are away in jakarta.

will only return this evening.

howells.

jam jam jam.

weee.

oh ya.

people.

please tag laa my blog.

very stagnant sia..

okie?

thank you very nice.

cheerios.

samad sambil sambil makan biskot.

hahaha

2006-01-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

i wonder...

sometimes i wonder till when will this last.

will it continue or will it end.

well lets just hope the answer surfaces before my patience run out.

i don't wanna go on somemore with no sense of direction.

that is completely a waste of time.

but if there is no sense of direction and the only thing is to call it quits.

where do i go from here.

should i cry or should i run.

so far that no one noes.

am i being used.

that's what have been happening to me all the while since last time.

am i that naive.

sometimes i just dont understand what are you trying to do.

whats your motive.

that puzzles me alot.

to this very day.

that answer i guess will always remain hidden in your brain.

i dont want to remain oblivion to whats happening.

-=-

should i just walk away.

and never turn back.

or should i just sit down.

and let the jab hit me.

the river's turn dry.

and the sky's empty.

well what's it gonna be.

all i want is seeing you.

i want that feeling.

all you need is love.

and im here to give.

-=-

too much to write with too little time.

not been feeling too well lately.

the weather's very rainy these days.

feeling down now.

so.

cheerios.

2006-01-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

heyy.

its 2006!

woo.

well actually i don't feel anything ah.

haha.

cause i have never celebrated new years my entire life.

make yesterday an exception tho.

hurhur.

the alumni comittee held a party yesterday.

boogie nite.

well it started off real slow due to the crowd slow movement.

there were some technical problems.

but after that it was go go go.

really appreciated all of em who came.

especially to lela and jihad.

felt guilty cause they seemed bored.

well im gonna make it up to u guys k.

and it mite come during the dinner and dance later on this year.

after the party we headed to downtown and went for countdown.

was really fun.

thank you guys.

well its a new year but its still the same ol me.

hurhur.

felt that i did ok last year.

haha.

i'm sleepy.

reached home at about 6.

after talking to her i conked all the way till 11.

had to go out for lunch.

well i was practically a walking zombie.

after lunch,we came back home and i slept again.

haha.

shiok.

woke up had dinner.

and now i m falling asleep.

quick someone.

save me!.

haha.

well to all u guys.

happy new year aiite!

you dig that dawg.

haha.

cheers

2005-12-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

heyy.

don't know why my body's been aching really bad.

to a certain extend its untolerable.

-=-

i feel the anguish.

its been on me real hard.

its always coming down on me.

non-stop.

only this morning my beloved cat died.

suspected of shock.

that was the first thing i knew when i woke up.

what a way to start your day huh.

i've been havin frequent headaches.

pulsating headaches.

its believed to be because of stress.

i'm not too sure myself stress of what.

maybe lately i've been thinkin too much.

too much of nothin.

-=-

had a sad dream yesterday night.

cant really remember what i dreamt but i knew she slipped away.

i woke up in the morning feeling really sad.

it was as if it was really true.

i cant help but be paranoid.

but it didnt bother me much tho.

-=-

verse

im an emotional wreck.

looks like i've been pinned back.

tormenting my days

breaking the water by the bay.

want out of this desolation.

please put me in isolation.

will you entice me away.

from this anvil chorus.

chorus

i'm sinking from my own stigma.

take this twinge from me as far.

or i'll languish.

in a state of depression.

you saw me get hit by a car.

i guess my life will only go this far.

2005-12-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

'grey sky"

just walk away

from this place of misery

turn to me

when the sky's turning grey

close your eyes

for i'm here to stay

but don't you cry

when i'm away

I can feel you slipping away

Please dont leave

me for another day

I can feel you slipping away

Please don't go

come back here

Blinded by the light

lightning brings you fright

just grab me

everything's gonna be alright

Close your eyes

for i'm here to stay

But dont you cry

when i'm away

I can feel you slipping away

Please don't leave

me for another day

I can feel you slipping away

Please don't go

come back here

-=-

there.

a new song.

guess who inspired me to write this song.

well only that person will now.

haha.

so this song kinda revolves around her.

tomor cmaths test2.

argh!goddamn.

after which im either gonna have breakfast with her or go sim lim with the gang.

now im in a dilemma.

dang.

weee.

chiao

2005-12-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

spent time with lela just now.

haha.

it poured.

and water sprinkled at us.

wee.

was fun.

remember to take ur medication ok.

and you need to rest more.

i have been wanting to write a song about rain and stuff but twice i wrote it couldnt find a melody for it.

shit.

then just now when i was sitting down with her.

it poured.

and there was thunder.

suddenly i felt the inspired to write.

but there was no pen and paper.

shit ass.

term test is tomor!

i'm slaughtered man.

as good as gone.

-=-

nowadays with how im living my life.

when i try to imagine what im gonna be like in about 10 years.

i cant see anything.

i wonder whats that suppose to mean.

its like i cant imagine anything.

zero.

sometimes it scares me you know.

-=-

turn to me.

when the clouds turn grey.

walk away.

when the trees starts to sway.

shiver in the thunders of rain.

wilter with the emptiness rain.

you put me down.

all u left was a stain.

slipping away

your slipping away

2005-12-18T01:53:00.000+08:00

all our hopes and dreams are savaged.hmm.dunno why i put that also.

-=-

howells.

saturday was fine.

although it started out like shit.

woke up on the wrongside of the bed.

a lot of people cancelled plans with me since friday.

first was supposed to meet lela in the afternoon.

cancelled.

then at 3.

cancelled also.

was supposed to meet faliq.

cancelled.

the next day.

ali cancelled on me.

then was about to meet hamzah,he cancelled it too.

while waiting for yazid.

yea.

he cancelled too.

grr.

luckily im patient.

bahh.

if not i would have been freaking out.

term test comin.and i have yet to touch anything yet.

im dead meat.

talked to my sis about me changing course.well she seemed as tho she agreed.

great.

-=-

tonight i feel a whole lot better after playing soccer.

been feeling really lethargic to an extend being moody.

but now i feel bubbly once again.

wee.

-=-

just now while i was alone at 506.

i sat down,enjoyed the breeze and started to think.

think about what i've been doing all my life.

and i realized i've done nothin actually.

not anything to be proud of.

den i started to think about girls.

well now.

fuck the dinahs,fuck the marlinas,fuck the fadyas,fuck the flings.

no more of this nonsense shit.

i've got no time anymore.

i need to find a girlfriend and settle down.

real soon.

but how?

where?

haha.

well i'll know the answer when the time comes.

-=-

i need new shoes.

i need new perfumes.

i need new tops.

i need new bottoms.

i need new lenses.

i need new guitar.

I WANNA GO SHOP AT JB!

who wants to tag along!

burrr.

the outing to jb was cancelled twice.

first because got soccer.

the second time is the most sickening.

hokai.

on that very dreadful day.i woke up very early at about 9.

then reached hafiz house at about 11 and we sat around.

we had to wait for kamal to get ready then can we go make our way.

and this is the fucked up part.

as we were about to go make our way to jb.(we were still at hafiz's house)

hafiz couldnt find his passport.

u have to be there to see the look on my face.

i didnt know whether to cry or scream at him.

its like wtf.

u know we're going jb a week in advance.

for crying out loud.

go find your freaking passport la dei earlier.

not when we are going to go then find.

stupid asshole.

biatch.

-=-

as i update this blog.

my bro is in front of me playing the ps2 like a small kid.

hahha.

cheerios.

2005-12-15T22:14:00.000+08:00

body ache!

arghh!

haha.

woke up this morning with chest ache.

i think of because of the push ups i did yesterday.

hahaha.

i did about 4.

haha.

kental sia.

just now went for training.

had fun.

but tiring ah.

now my arms are shivering.

weeee.

but all for a good cause.

nyehehe.

tired to type.

bye

2005-12-14T00:25:00.000+08:00

feel like shit the pass few days.

damn.

take it away.

-=-

she's not here to stay.

do you hear me cry.

and do you know why.

your slipping away slipping away.

i dont have a say.

it was all a lie.

rain drops from the sky.

your slipping away slipping away.

the world's spinning around.

and my world's upside down.

u told me we'd be ok.

but your slipping away slipping away.

-=-

today is a day to forget.

void.

2005-12-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

shagedelic.

feel like as if i just ran 10 miles.

freaking tired.

bearghhh.

hate this.

lazy wanna say anything else.

bye

2005-12-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

had fun today.

yeap.

tho didnt get to see you.

i wanna see you soon ah.

can?

hee.

anyways.

met up with apek den proceeded to school to study.

studied for about an hour and went off to starbucks with ed apek and hamzah.

today starbucks havin an open house.

so from 5 to 7 they having free drinks.

shiok.

haha.

was later joined by kahar,umar,rahman,hafiz,yazid,faliq,julia,ali,raf.

i went to take 3 drinks sia.

haha.

so malu.

two for me.

one for iylia.

hurhur.

we sat down there from 5 to about 9 plus.

tiring sia.

laughed laughed laughed.

play murderer.

hurhur.

shiok.

now im damn pooped.

miss you bi.

2005-12-08T01:55:00.000+08:00

wee.

had fun hanging out with rahman and apek today.

hahaha.

real fun.

they should know why.

hehe.

sheeshaed just now at arab st.

before that went to see lelaa and eda.

buy fags la.

hurhur.

then we made our way to arab st.

laughed our way there.

then the sheesha came in.

haha.

there were two couches.one facing the crowd one not.

and we were facing the crowd.

so i tot mcm paiseh la.

so i shifted.

den when rahman shifted with the sheesha.

the thing dropped!

and went "keplanngg!"

haha.

we all were like goodness gracious me.

wtf.

die sia.

haha.

i was speechless.

rahman just stood there.

shellshocked.

the guy came in was and went.
"do you know how much this cost?"

the way he sound was as if it cost 200 bucks.

the answer was the 35.

i happily say.nvm we'll pay.

but then in the end he said no need to pay.

well thank you mr turkey guy.

we just hanged out.

talk about lotsa stuff.

was really fun.

we should hang out again.

this sunday we plan to go to jb!

who wanna follow??

boo.

2005-12-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

pheww.

came home landed on my bed.

feeling damn awful.

tired.

tired to an extreme extend.

should i say lethargic?

no.

i dont think so.

more of sick.

heck.

---

mystified persona.

not too sure of what that means actually.

i feel so down suddenly.

fuck.

i wanna run away.

from everything.

everyone.

leave this place until people thinks my life is non-existance.

---

shit la.

my nose got a lot of shit.

---

vindicated.

2005-12-04T18:49:00.000+08:00

You say you want

Diamonds on a ring of gold

You say you want

Your story to remain untold
But all the promises we make

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you
You say you'll give me

A highway with no one on it

Treasure just to look upon it

All the riches in the night
You say you'll give me

Eyes in a moon of blindness

A river in a time of dryness

A harbour in the tempest

But all the promises we make

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you
You say you want

Your love to work out right

To last with me through the night
You say you want

Diamonds on a ring of gold

Your story to remain untold

Your love not to grow cold
All the promises we break

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you
You...all I want is...You...all I want is...You...all I want is...You...

2005-12-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

fill me in.

fucking hell.

sakit la bodoh kaki aku.

serious.

2005-12-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

heyy.

godfreakinghell.

im uber tired.

played soccer again just now.

howells.

i know what u guys are thinking now.

every post mention he plays soccer.

haha.

well.

fuck.

what can i do.

i feel like crying.

you know why?

cause my ankle hurts like hell.freaking hell.mutherfucker.

its swelling again.now joined by the left ankle too.

goddammit la.

now it is like very numb.

-=-

oh no.

she's taking a break from me.

freakshit.

hurhur.

well hope it ends soon and well.

hee.

luckily managed to meet up for awhile just now.

had lunch.

should have stayed back and go to airport with her.

damn.

weee.

-=-

lets sit on the shofa.

hurhur.

miss you bi.

2005-11-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

he opened up.

talked things out.

things are fine now dear.

never felt so sure.

no one's to blame.

was god who wanted to put us three to a test.

and i guessed we passed it with flying colours.

hurhur.

free myself.

break away.

beargghh.

haha.

wrote a song just now.

it was very random.

wrote about this girl who keep playing games with me.

wanting her to stop cause im tired.

all it brought was exhaustion to myself.

something like that.

still got some more lines to go.

tomor got counselling.

fuck.

going alone.

dammit.

sgh.

wearghhhhh!

that is like damn far sia.

knn.

---

so much for the tongue defect.

thank you.

hee

2005-11-30T01:58:00.000+08:00

blue.

its raining.

love this weather.

especially at night.

but fuck.

i can't seem to sleep.

close my eyes and i cant find you.

i'm captivated.

i'm disappointed.

weeee

---

i want to sleeep.

i want to have beautiful dreams of a lady.

hahaha.

pretty one.

feeeweeet.

neck ache neck ache.

aghh!

2005-11-29T17:45:00.000+08:00

hello.

it might seem as simple as it sounds.

but its not.

just feel like stating that.

random stuff.

i'm just really tired.

tired of running away.

i dont know from what.

but i know i am running away

---

maybe its true.

maybe thats the reason why i've always falter.

maybe it was all along my doing.

never did this came across my mind before.

guessed i was too busy directing blames on other people rather then on myself.

what if its true.

sigh.

2005-11-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

i sense something is amiss.

something that is not supposed to happen,happened.

but im not sure whether i'm supposed to know.

shall keep mums about it.

till someone tells me instead.

feel like punching.

sensed that something was left untold.

something vital.

gave me the head and the ass.

that is as good as not telling.

fuck it.

tried to calm down by writing on my song book.

and hell did it work.

ankle's feeling better.

right after taking the pain killers.

it worked wonders.

could run again.

weee.

---

thanks for accompanying me.

here's what i wrote in my book.

---

let me out of this entrapment.

rope me out of this confusion.

terrified by your rampant beauty.

hanging on by the tip of my finger

she showered me with anger.

I never thought things will turn out like this.

the World's upside down with everything amiss.

i'm nulled.

in this enchantment.

runnin all my life .

finding the soln.

look at me.

look at me now.

tell me what do you see.

look at me look at me now.

tell me do you feel it

put out the flame.

when its wet with rain.

assure me there is no sparkle left.

for your touch is no deft.

leave me something to linger.

---

here's another.

---

the sound of raindrops.

grazing my face.

the smoke rises creating a haze.

i dont want to be anywhere near you.

even if u cried me a river.

rainy days i'm oh so lonely.

so it'll be today.

what you said to me when i was to sleep.

was all bullshit.

anger sinks in and sadness surfaces.

just how it's always like when it pours.

rain drops falling down to my face.

as it turns to tears.

remember who was i.

just another passing phase.

---

weee..

emo giler eh.

thanks to someone's blog la i became emo lately.

wdh.

cheerios

2005-11-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

my body's exhausted.

my mind exhausted.

i need to rest.need to settle down.

need to start concentrating on my studies.damn.

my ankle is on critical damage.

it swelled up really bad overnight.

felt frustrated when i woke in the morning.the ankle was stiff like meat

was nearly in tears cause i could barely walk.

the ankle is bruised too.

that scares me.

look at me.

what do you see?

my mind is empty.

so is my heart.

my legs are numb.

so is my heart.

its been so long.

so long that i forgot how it feels like.

to be loved.

sometimes i wonder.

will i ever be loved again.

will i ever get to feel how it is like to fall in love once more.

will you find me someone.

someone for me to put my arms around.

give her a thousands kisses.

hold her tight when she's cold.

borrow her my shoulder to cry on.

hear out all her complains.

carry her around when she's tired.

talk her to sleep.

i want that.

really bad.

i don't wanna be alone anymore.

i've been alone for too long.

Tell me when the stars drop
For I want to see you before my heart stops
One last time
But you have been running away
Never gave me a chance
To say
Take yesterdays feelings awayPut me where I long to be

not yet a finished article.

gonna take time doing up this song.

wanna put my heart and soul on it.

cheerios

jaded

2005-11-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

at long last.

im back again.

haha.

too tired to blog ah recently due to soccer activities.

eurgh.

been playin soccer non-stop these past few days.

tired like fuck sia.

just now had our semi finals match and during a match there was a free-for-all.

punches were flying and we won.

the fight i mean.

haha.

we lost the match by a goal to nil.

nvm.

we were the underdogs baby.

we went all out in every game and i'm proud of that.

keep on trying guys.

after the game me,lela and rahman went for pre-dinner meal at tamp.

then made our way to starbucks.

sat there like zombie,talk cock and stuff.

my ankle hurts like fuck.

even if i never move it is still painful.

goddammit.

baby when i get u back.

im gonna show u what im made of.

boys of summer.

taa

2005-11-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

hello there.

im tired man.

ergh.

played soccer just now in the rain.it was fun tho.had a few laughs here and there.

then made my way to starbucks jj with apek to meet kamal.

then lelaa and jihad tagged along.

had small talks.

really small talks ah cause basically i spent my time at the back with hafiz and kamal.

hahah.

didnt managed to talk to lelaa that much tho.AGAIN.haha

kuku.

yesterday also.

i think suay ah there.haha.

nevermind.

even if i prefer talkin to her face to face because if i talk to her on the fon she would fall asleep.

haha.

really.

after 5 minutes she will sound supah blur.

haha.

then i will feel as if im talking to myself.

dengdeng betol.

haha.

well thats better than nothin rite?

haha.

you guys noe what.

only just now did it struck to me that i really miss those days working at the bazaar.

there is where i get to see alot of people and make friends with.

i met the nicest craziest people there.

there is first sri and huimin.then comes lela and izzie then jihad.

then i get to be really close with my friends.like faliq apek kamal nas.

miss chilling at zeenath.not forgetting to mention azmi.the worker there.

haha.

then havin late nites pool games and bowling games.

but most importantly there is where i get to be close with my mom.

really.

never have i spend that much time with her in my entire life.

after the bazaar then did i understand more in depth about my mom.

even tho we sometimes argue but now i understand why she's always angry at me.

now i noe she is always angry at me for a right reason.

those were the best days of my life.

really.

i really miss the times when we will go work together.buy food together.

meet the chill corner guys.

sit in the back of the car with her.

sometimes have pre-work outing such as catching a movie and etc.

haa.

never will i be able to that again.

feeling so free.

with nothin to worry about.

now im always tied up with school.

fuck shit.

but next yeaar mum says we gonna do it once more!

yay!

haha.

cant wait mann.

i need to lose weight.

asap mann.

if not i lose my bet!

eurgh!

haha.

to lela.

I'M GONNA WIN THAT BET AH

boo

oi.

why everyone online not talking to me ha?

all action sia.

haha.

byee.

cheerios.

2005-11-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

weeee..

long time never post.

been preoccupied with stuff ah.

damn.

fucking hell.

monday school from 8 to 7.

cheebye

1 to 7 no break at all.

die la like that.

today's day was dull.

did nothin much.

so ya.

haha.

watching soccer.

singapore vietnam.

singapore play shitty sia.

but nvm.

im still behind them.

rah!

hahahah.

dont know what to write already la.hahah

bye.

fuck you.

2005-11-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

went out with the tp dudes yesterday.

was hilarious ah.

haha.

school was dull as usual.

fucking hell.hate mondays cause tutorial starts at 8.

damn sia.

so fucking early.how u expect me to wake up sia.

knn.

after school,met kamal and geng.

went to lounge play pool.

sorry lela for being late.

really really am.

because of my lateness,u were late for training.

haii.

howells.

tomor gonna play soccer.brooom.

GOAL!

haha.

fuck u.bye

2005-11-11T00:39:00.000+08:00

Jaded

Where’s the medication that I’ve got to take?
Give me a gun and I’ll put a bullet thru my head.
Seems to me this is not worthwhile after all
Go tell all your friends.
So they wont be appalled.

The rain comes down
The sky turns red
Hear this
don’t bury me when im dead

Kiss me and I will be much stronger
Sleeping pills and cigarettes wont do any good
Cause its been pulling me down further and further!
I’ve been buried too deep
U cant hear me scream!

The rain comes down
The sky turns red
Hear this
Don’t bury me when I’m dead

Look at me now
What do you see?
Drown together with me
In the sea.

so yet another song.in the mood lately to write songs.i tried my best not to make it sound so gay but i think i failed.haha.

fuck it.

at least it doesnt sound gay right?

haha.doest it?

been unfair things.

but fuck them all.

cant seem to get things going.

goo.

haha.

oi lela.since u never mention my name at your blog i aint gonna talk about

you over here anymore.

void.